Source: Horntip Collection - Half-Mind Hymnal 2011

Lyrics

There once was a Balham vicar Who said to his curate, I’ll bet I’ve fucked more women than you, And the curate said You’re on. And the curate said You’re on.

We’ll stand outside the church this day, And this will be our sign, You ding-a-ling for the women you’ve fucked, And I’ll ding-a-dong for mine, for mine. And I’ll ding-a-dong for mine, for mine.

Well there were more ding-a-lings and ding-a-dongs, Till a pretty young lady went by. And curate went ding-a-dong.

Oh, said the vicar, don’t ding-a-dong there, That’s my wife I do declare, Hell, said the curate, I don’t care, Ding-a-ling-a-ling, ding, ding, ding, ding, Ding-a-dong-a-dong, dong, dong, dong.