Source: Horntip Collection - Half-Mind Hymnal 2011

Lyrics

Kiwi variation on “The Engineer’s Song,” above

Oh a Cowboy told me before he died And I’ve got no reason to think he lied That though he tried for most of his life He just never could satisfy his wife.

CHORUS: Round and round went the bloody great wheel In and out went a rod of steel I’ll lay you money on a sure-fire bet That bloody great wheel is turning yet.

So he mounted up a great big wheel There upon a rod of steel Two brass chambers a-filled with cream And the whole bloody thing was run by steam.

Then he rolled it through the bedroom door And the wheel started up with a great big roar It rolled to his wife and rolled on top And it pumped until she hollered stop.

But the bloody great wheel just rolled on through ‘Till the cowboy’s wife was split in two. Then as if possessed by a monstrous whim It turned around and mounted him.

It rolled to the gate and it steamed real fast Mounting all the people just a-strolling past Covered them all with grease and cream ‘Till it disappeared in a cloud of steam.

So if you ever see a bloody great wheel There upon a rod of steel, Run for the prairie or over the hill Unless you’re looking for a long-time thrill.

GREEN GROW THE RASHES O (Two Versions) Melody - Green Grow the Rashes O Version # 1 is the original Robert Burns version; version # 2 is a modern takeoff

VERSION # 1:

CHORUS: Green grow the rashes, O Green grow the rashes, O The lasses they hae wimble bores The widows they hae gashes, O.

In sober hours I am a priest, A hero when I’m tipsy-O; But I’m a king and ev’ry thing When wi’ a wanton gypsie, O.

‘Twas laye yestreen I met wi’ ane, An’ wow, but she was gentle, O Ae han’ she put roun’ my cravat The tither to my pintle, O.

I dought na speak — yet was na fley’d My heart play’d duntie, duntie, O And ceremony laid aside I fairly fun’ her cuntie, O.

VERSION # 2:

Green grow the rashes O, Green grow the rashes O, The sweetest bed I ever had, Was the bellies of the lassies O.

We’re all full from eating it, We’re all dry from drinking it, The parson kissed the fiddler’s wife, And couldn’t preach for thinking of it.

There’s a pious lass in town Godly Lizzy Lundy O, She mounts the peak throughout the week, But fingers it on Sunday O.

Lizzie is of large dimension, There is not a doubt of it, The soccer team went in last night, And none has yet come out of it.

Jockie’s wife she thought she’d shave it, Threw him in a pretty passion, Shouting he’d not have a wife, Whose private parts were out of fashion.