Source: Horntip Collection - Half-Mind Hymnal 2011

Lyrics

Contributed by Zippy, Pike’s Peak H4 (copyrighted material?)

I don’t care if it rains or freezes, Long as I have my plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car, Through my trials and tribulations And my travels through the nation With my plastic Jesus I’ll go far

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car I’m afraid he’ll have to go, His magnets ruin my radio And If I have a wreck, he’ll leave a scar

Riding through the thoroughfare, With his nose up in the air A wreck may be ahead, but he don’t mind Trouble coming, he don’t see, He just keeps his eyes on me And any other thing that lies behind

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus, Riding on the dashboard of my car Though the sun that shines on his back Makes him peel, chip, and crack A little patching keeps him up to par

When pedestrians try to cross I let them know who is boss I never blow my horn or give them warning I ride all over town, Trying to run them down And it’s seldom that they live to see the morning

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car His halo fits just right And I use it as a sight And they’ll scatter or they’ll splatter near and far

When I’m in a traffic jam He don’t care if I say Damn I can let all sorts of curses roll Plastic Jesus doesn’t hear, For he has a plastic ear The man who invented plastic saved my soul

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car Once his robe was snowy white, Now it isn’t quite so bright Stained by the smoke of my cigar

If I weave around at night And the policemen think I’m tight They’ll never find my bottle, though they ask Plastic jesus shelters me, For his head comes off, you see He’s hollow and I use him for a flask

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car Ride with me and have a dram Of the blood of the Lamb Plastic Jesus is a holy bar

I don’t care if it’s dark or scary, Long as I have magnetic Mary, Ridin’ on the dashboard of my car, I feel I’m protected amply, I’ve got the whole damn Holy Family, Riding on the dashboard of my car.

No, I don’t care if it rains or freezes, Long as I have my plastic Jesus, Riding on the dashboard of my car, But I think he’ll have to go, His magnet ruins my radio, And if we have a wreck he’ll leave a scar.

I don’t care if it bumps or jostles Long as I got the Twelve Apostles Bolted to the dashboard of my car Don’t I have a pious mess Such a crowd of holiness Strung across the dashboard of my car

God made Christ a Holy Jew God made Him a Christian too Paradoxes populate my car Joseph beams with a feigned elan From the shaggy dash of my furlined van Famous cuckold in the master plan;

When I’m goin’ fornicatin’ I got my ceramic Satan Sinnin’ on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home The women know I’m on the level Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil Ridin’ on the dashboard of my … Sneerin’ from the dashboard of my … Leering from the dashboard of my van.