Source: Horntip Collection - Half-Mind Hymnal 2011

Lyrics

Contributed by Bulldust

Bestiality sure is a fun thing to do But I have to say this as a warning to you: With almost all animals, you can have ball But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS 1: The spines on his back are too sharp for a man They’ll give you a pain in the worst place they can The result I think you’ll find will appall: The hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

Mounting a horse can often be fun An elephant too; though he weighs half a ton Even a mouse (though his hole is quite small) But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS 2: The spines on his back are so awful thick you’ll end up with naught but a painful prick. He has an impregnable hole when curled up in a ball, Hence the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

Screwing a cow while she goes moo-moo Will be entertaining to both her and you Or you might try a tiger, if you have enough gall But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Chorus 1

A fish is refreshing, although a bit wet And a cat or a dog can be more than a pet Even a giraffe (despite being so tall) But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Chorus 2

You can manage a snake, though its poison might kill It’s amazing how humping a camel will thrill You can go with a snail if you slow to a crawl But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Chorus 1

You can ravish a sloth but it would take all night With a shark it is faster, but the darned beast might bite We already mentioned the horse, you may recall But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Chorus 2

You can roger a skunk if you can stand the smell Or even an oyster, should he let go of his shell A troll can be rocky if down you should fall But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Chorus 1

For slippery fun, you can cornhole an otter Or pego a pig after parting his trotters Or tumble a tapir, though the prospect appall But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Chorus 2

For prosimian fun, you can bugger a lemur To bolster your name as a pervert and schemer The lemurs cry “Frink!” as a coy mating call But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Chorus 1

Antipodean pranks — you can futter a wombat Or strive with a ‘roo in venereal combat Or hump a goanna — go on, do it all But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Chorus 2

A moose is amusing, a squid quite confusing Or try on a rhino if you fancy a bruising, Or mountin’ a mountain goat (careful, don’t fall!) But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Chorus 1

You could thrust with a thrush if you fancy a climb, Or pork a few piglets if you have the time, A skinhead’s pet cat if you don’t mind a brawl, But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.