S & M MAN, The
Tune: The Candy Man
Source: Horntip Collection - Half-Mind Hymnal 2011
Lyrics
(Take turns leading verses)
Who will run through jaggers (who will run through jaggers), Ripping up his flesh (ripping up his flesh), And turn right around, And repeat the bloody mess? It’s the S&M man.
CHORUS: Oh, the S&M man, The S&M man because he mixes it with love, And makes the hurt feel good (Yes the hurt feel good)
Who wears pants with zippers, And no underwear, Then pulls them up and down, And rips out his pubic hair? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take a razor, And no shaving cream, Scrape her pussy bald, While he listens to her scream? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take an old saw, Rusty but still cuts, Pull it back and forth, Until he rips off his own nuts? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take a bottle, Shove it up your ass, Hit it with a hammer, And line your ass with glass? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take your scrotum, Stick it with a pin, Hang on a bunch of weights, Till it drags down to your shins? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take your penis, Slam it in a door, Slam it in a door, So you can’t fuck anymore? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take a sander, Make sure it’s Black and Decker, Rub it up and down, Until you’ve got a bleeding pecker? It’s the S&M man.
Who would take a condom, Put pepper in the ring, Use it on the wife, ‘Cause she twitches when it stings? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take a mallet, Claim that he’s a stud, Smash it on his pecker, Till it starts to ooze blood? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take your penis, Tie it in a knot, Tie it in a knot, Until the sucker rots? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take sandpaper, Rough like fifty grit, Rub it on her pussy, Until she has no clit? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take two ice picks, Stick one in each ear, And ride her like a Harley, While he roots her up the rear? It’s the S&M man.
Who takes jumper cables, Clamps one on each tit, Starts up the car, And electrocutes the bitch? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take a young girl, Turn the lights down low, Flip on the video camera, And make like Rob Lowe? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take a vagina, Suck out all the yeast, Spit it out into some dough, And serve bread at the hash feast? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take a puppy, Hold it by the ears, Fuck it in the ass, Until it sheds those puppy tears? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take a vice clamp, Clamp it on a tit, Squeeze the sucker down Till it pops just like a zit? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take a cheese grater, Strap it to his arm, Fist fuck the bitch And make Vagina Parmesan? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take a transient, Rip out one of his eyes, Skull fuck the bastard While he listens to his cries? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take some shackles, Chain you to the walls, Fill a glass with sperm, By lancing both your balls? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take a Coke bottle, Shove it up her ass, Kidney punch the bitch, Until she’s shitting blood and glass? It’s the S&M man.
SPECIAL CHORUS: Oh the S&M man, The S&M man makes all that he partakes, Satisfying and delicious, Fulfills all your erotic wishes, Sucks chrome off trailer hitches.
Who would use machinery, To masturbate at work, Rip off his left testis, And pretend it didn’t hurt? It’s the S&M man.
SONG ENDERS: Who can take a baby, Lay it on a bed, Turn the bugger over, Fuck the soft spot in its head? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take a little girl, Before she’s on the rag, Fuck her till she’s dead And then toss her in a bag? It’s the S&M man.
Who would put a kid’s hand, In a socket on the wall? It’s nice when they jerk, Up against his balls. It’s the S&M man.
Who goes to the abortion clinic, Sneaks around the back, Digs through the dumpster, Until he finds a tasty snack? It’s the S&M man.
Who gives children candy, Takes them round the block, And rips up their innards, With the ramming of his cock? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take a baby, Throw it on a pile, And fuck it up its ass, Shis-ka-bob style? It’s the S&M man.
Who would take your kiddies, Out to a picnic binge, Put them on the fire, And watch the fuckers singe? It’s the S&M man.
Who can take a pregnant woman, Fuck her till she’s dead, Leave his dick inside her, Till the foetus gives him head? It’s the S&M man.
THE S & M GIRL (variation on S & M Man)
Who takes jumper cables, Attaches ‘em to her tits, Connects them to a Mack truck, And has orgasmic fits? It’s the S&M girl.
CHORUS: Oh, the S&M girl, The S&M girl because she mixes it with love, And makes the hurt feel good (the hurt feel good).
Who can jump a flagpole, Land right up on top, Wiggle down and squeeze so tight, The ball on top pops? It’s the S&M girl.
Who can take a buzz saw, Hold it to her twat, Rev up the engine, And perpetually squat? It’s the S&M girl.
Who sleeps on barbed wire, Tossing left and right, Just to see how many stitches, She can earn each night? It’s the S&M girl.
Who can shave her body, Pubic parts and all, Swim around all day, In a pool of alcohol? It’s the S&M girl.
Who rubs down with honey, Just to have a chance, To lay out on the lawn, And be a picnic for the ants? It’s the S&M girl.
Who ties down her sweetie, Every single day, Covers him with rats, And lets the kitties in to play? It’s the S&M girl.
Who can take a big knife, And cause him lots of pain, And then get off in court, When she claims that she’s insane? Lorenna Bobbit can.
SMOKING WIENER’S COCKY HASH SONGS
Anticipation Away Ye Hash Mongers Ballad of the Hash Today Cunt, the Magic Pussy Do My Butt Down on Your Knees Dress You Up Drink Around the Clock Tonight Going Without Is Hard to Do Hang a Bunch of Condoms From the Ole Oak Tree Hash, Hash, Hash Hash Moon Rising Hash the Night Away Hasher Hasher DogMan Hashers In Your Neighborhood Hashers We Have Heard Are High Hashes In The Sun Hashin’ By the Dock of the Bay Hashing In the Moonlight Hashing In the Moonlight Hot Box I Am Woman I Don’t Know How to Lust Him I Love Hash I Love You I Think the Beer’s Gone Now I Want To Hold Your Gland I’m Getting Married In the Morning In Honor of Just Jackie Joy to the World Lady Madonna Man In a Troubled Marriage Masturbation Mighty Fine Oh! Susanna On His Bone Again On Top of Old Smoky Racked with Pain Rocket Man Roll Out the Barrel Saturday In the Park Serenity Prayer Sewage Pipe Over Troubled Water Smokey Smoking Wiener Smoking Wiener South Huntsville Speed Hasher Stroking Me Softly With His Dong Superstar Take Me Home, Country Roads Tennessee Valley Sunday The Dress My Father Wore The Morning After The Rain, the Park and Other Things There’s a Kind of Hash They’ve Got the World Cup In Their Hands Time and Hash Trail Passages We’re a Couple of Hashshits Where Has All the Flour Gone Who’ll Stop the Rain Why Do Drunks Suddenly Appear You’re a Grand Old Fag
Editor’s Note: All songs in this section are by Smoking Wiener of the Rocket Shitty HHH (Huntsville, Alabama).