Source: Horntip Collection - Half-Mind Hymnal 2011

Lyrics

By Babe Thruster, performed at Hedon ‘99

I was on 85 headin’ to ATL. Had the A/C on ‘cause it was hot as hell. When all at once my radiator blew its top. Well, I took a quick exit and drove around a bit. Didn’t know where I was goin’ ‘cause I couldn’t see shit And this here’s what happened when I stopped.

I seen these folks was havin’ a camp-out event And it just so happened that I had my tent And I figured I’d hang out for a day or two. Now one thing was abundantly clear These folks could really drink some beer So I grabbed me a cup and poured myself a brew.

The first thing I noticed that seemed kinda strange Was the folks all had these funny names Like “Beats Me”, “Bunny Banger” and “Screw Ewe”. They gave me a flyer and I started readin’ It said “welcome folks to ol’ Camp Hedon” And I wondered just what the hell I had gotten in to.

‘Cause they had frozen margaritas and beer galore They had footprints on everything they wore That is for the ones that weren’t walkin’ ‘round nude. They had a big blue curtain they called “The Wall of Shame” So the neighbors would have just themselves to blame If their kids got traumatized by what they viewed.

They had co-ed showers with icy cold water that would shrink your dick down to the size of a quarter And I never did get all the soap outta my crack. There was high fat food and nekkid pot scrubbin’ They had videos showin’ animal lovin’ Where this woman and her dog performed unspeakable acts.

And while I’m on the subject of unspeakable acts Their skit night took things to the max. Yeah, they was all out there pushin’ on that envelope. They did the Full Monty and to my surprise A triple butt chug by these four nekkid guys. That really seemed to get Erection Master’s goat.

And just when I thought I’d seen the worst of the hash Up jumped these guys from the Carolina Trash And they all commenced to settin’ their dicks on fire. Now I wish I could tell ya I weren’t participatin’ That I just sat back watchin and waitin’ But if I did, I’d be a dadburned liar.

Cause I hit them kegs five times an hour And I ran through the woods on a trail of flour And I played in Shit Happens’ question game And I woke up early every morn To some asshole out there blowin a horn And drank bloody Marys to kill the hangover pain.

And I was taken to holler and curse And I ran nekkid with ol’ Head Nurse And afterwards never did put my clothes back on. And I blazed though shiggy till I was bleedin’ And ended up in what’s called sub-Hedon Where I sang dirty songs and drank till damn near dawn.

Yeah, there I was breakin all the rules that Ms. Fletcher had taught me thar in Sunday school And little did I know there’d be hell to pay. Now Sunday afternoon weren’t too busy So I staggered over to watch Izzy Dizzy It’s a beer chuggin’ game hashers like to play.

And the one team there I really noticed Was the one lead by this dude called Otis His team was Gay 2000 without a doubt. Cause instead of spinnin’ round them baseball bats They were using some guys nekkid ass And it was somewhere about this time that I passed out.

Now when finally I did come to You won’t believe it but I swear it’s true A pit from Hell opened up thar in that field And from that pit came laughin’ and screamin’ About two dozen hellish demons They was all butt-nekid and red from head to toe.

Yeah, this here weren’t no hallucination Them demons set out to runnin’ and chasin’ They was grabbin folks and castin’ ‘em into that pit.. Well, I just sat there shocked as I could be When I noticed a few of ‘em lookin’ at me And that’s when I decided it was time to go.

I jumped up screamin’ and away I went I figured fuck my stuff and fuck my tent There was no way in hell that I’d get caught Jumped into my truck and fled for my life And I didn’t look back like ol’ Lots’ wife ‘cause I knew damn sure I’d turn to a pillar of salt

Now when I think back, you know I’m still amazed By those crazy fuckers and the hell they raised And I wonder just what happened to that tent of mine And I gotta admit I had a damn good time I wonder of folks’ would think I’d lost my mind If I went back in ‘99.