Source: Horntip Collection - Half-Mind Hymnal 2011

Lyrics

Contributed by Zippy, Pike’s Peak H4 (copyrighted material)

At the office Christmas party, I started out with a Bicardi. I never get sauced, But, right now, I’m lost! It’s Christmas and I wonder where I am!

I had a beer at my brother’s, Had egg nog at my mother’s, Then two bottles of wine. Which automobile’s mine? It’s Christmas and I wonder where I am!

Someone caught me dancing with a snowman. A policeman came and put me in his car. He said, “Are you drunk?” and I say, “No, man, But could you drop me off at the next bar?”

I guess my wife must be missing. Who’s this dog that I’m kissing? They say his name’s Spot, And he likes me … a lot! It’s Christmas and I wonder where I am!

I was looking for a woman I could dance with So I stood beneath the mistletoe. Someone said, “You’d have a better chance if You take the lampshade off and put back on your clothes!

I’m naked. Is it still snowing? It’s time I should leave, (But) I’ll be back New Year’s Eve!!

It’s Christmas and I wonder where I am! It’s Christmas and I wonder where I am!

YASS, YASS, YASS

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse, When out by the chimney I heard something pass, It was Santa Claus slippin’ on his yass, yass, yass …

HASH STANDARDS

“A” is for A “A” is for Arsehole Act Sederunt of the Session Arseholes are Cheap Today (I) Arseholes are Cheap Today (II) Arseholes are Cheap Today (III) As I Was Walking Through the Wood (Old One-Hundredth) Aussie Serenade Balham Vicar Ball Game Ball of Ballyknure (I) Ball of Ballyknure (II) Banana Song Band Played On Barcelona Blinded by Shit British Sailor Cactus In My Y-Fronts Can You Walk a Little Way? Chandler’s Shop Chicago Chisholm Trail Clintstones Clean Song Cold Winter’s Evening Colostomy’s Best Comin’ Thro’ the Rye Country Sunday School Did You Ever See? Do Your Balls Hang Low? Do Your Tits Hang Low? (I) Do Your Tits Hang Low? (II) Does Your Bum Hang Low? Don’t Cry Lady English Country Garden Fart Farting Contest Get Fucked Give Me that Old Time Religion Good Ship Venus Hallelujah, I’m a Bum Happy Wank Song Has Anybody Seen J. C.? Hi Ho! Hi Ho! It’s Off to the Burlesque Show Humoresque I Want to Play Piano I’ll Take the Left Leg Incontinence is the Shits Irian Jaya It’s the Same the Whole World Over I Wish I Was in England Jesus Can’t Go Hashing Jonestown Junior Birdmen Leaver’s Song Lehigh Valley Life Presents a Dismal Picture Little Bit Off the Top Little Red Train Mobile Moonshadow My God How the Money Rolls In My Sombrero North Atlantic Squadron Old Bazaar in Cairo Old Irish State Or Would You Rather be a ____? Ou Est Le Papier? Ovaltine Song Patriotic Song Pissanya, Pissanya Plastic Jesus Prayer Red Flag Ring the Bell Verger Road to Gundagai Roedean School Roll Your Leg Over Scrotum Sexiatus Mania Sinking of the Titanic (I) Sinking of the Titanic (II) Sod ‘Em All Some Die of Drinking Water Spanish Guitar Sweet Violets (I) Sweet Violets (II) Ten Sticks of Dynamite There Was an Old Farmer They’re Moving Father’s Grave Three Chinese Crackers Tonight We March Against England Vegetables Are the Best Walking Down Canal Street Wee Wee Song Yellow Ryder Truck You Won’t Find Any Country (I) You Won’t Find Any Country (II)

“A” IS FOR A Gregorian Chant (sort of)

“A” is for A, A, Aye, aye, aye, aye.

“L” is for long, Long, A long, Aye, aye, aye, aye.

“S” is for strong, Strong, Long strong, A long strong, Aye, aye, aye, aye.

“B” is for black, Black, Strong black, Long strong black, A long strong black, Aye, aye, aye, aye. (and so on … )

“P” is for pudding, Pudding, Black pudding, etc …

“U” is for up, Up, Pudding up, etc …

“M” is for my, My, Up my, etc …

“S” is for sister’s, Sister’s, My sister’s, etc …

“C” is for cat’s, Cat’s, Sister’s cat’s, etc …

“A” is for arsehole, Arsehole, Cat’s arsehole, etc …

“T” is for twice, Twice, Arsehole twice, etc …

“N” is for nightly, Nightly, Twice nightly, etc …

“W” is for weather, Weather, Nightly weather, etc …

“P” is for permitting, Permitting, Weather permitting, etc …

“S” is for sideways, Sideways, Permitting sideways, etc …